The Damaged Child

Pari- a jovial and sociable kid- is playing in the courtyard when notices her aunt coming towards her house. She excitingly rushes to the door and welcomes her. Pari loves festivities- whether it’s a festival, any ceremonial gathering, or a surprise guest, she enjoys the broken monotony. Moreover, she likes her home when it’s filled with people.

Pari helps the mother to serve tea. Sipping her tea, the aunt looks at the new painting on the wall and exclaims – Wow! What a wonderful work Gauri. Gauri –Pari’s elder sister- has beautifully signed the painting at the bottom. Motivated Gauri runs inside and brings the table cover she embroidered recently. Every nook and corner of the little house depicts Gauri’s creativity. The aunt applauds Gauri for the good work and then turns to Pari when she asks sarcastically - So Pari! What have you made recently? Umm Nothing! Just wasting your time hopping around the whole day? Pari giggles in embarrassment and runs out.

She picks up the marbles lying nearby and starts playing with them. She is feeling a little uneasy- her eyes are focused on the marbles but the mind is wandering elsewhere. This isn’t the first time when Gauri’s plaudit and Pari’s criticism are being done simultaneously. Previously, she used to take it lightly but now -as she is growing- she feels critiqued when compared with her sister.  She takes heavy steps to the main door. Sitting on the doorsill, she watches outside- a passerby, an ironer pressing the clothes, a carpenter shaping the woods, a confectioner making samosas; everyone seems busy in its own world. The laughter from the guest room is prickling her ears. She speculates – To be loved and respected, just being oneself isn’t enough. To be contented isn’t enough. Success matters. Talent matters. Wiping her tears, she decides to work hard and gain the love and respect she yearns for.*

Pari is more of an outdoor kid -capricious and playful. She loves to observe and perceive the little world around her. She runs behind the butterflies, loves the colors, twitters with birds, visualizes the patterns in the sky, makes the random shapes with mud and loves many more such activities. In a nutshell, she isn’t a polished child. Though she is learning things per her own pace yet her playfulness is generally misunderstood with carelessness.

The next afternoon, Pari sits down to embroider a little flower on her handkerchief. The granny sitting nearby feels happy to see Pari finally showing some interest in a girly task. Pari smiles at her and gets busy embroidering. After an hour of hard work, she runs to the granny expecting some applause for her effort. But, granny looking at the handkerchief says – It looks Okay but the finishing isn’t good. See Gauri! How fine her work is. You should become like her. Pari feels disheartened but her perseverance doesn’t let her quit.

She tries to fine-tune her skills of drawing, music, dance, stitching, and embroidering as these are the open opportunities provided by her school as well. Although her stitches lack finishing, her dance moves aren’t enough flexible, the lines in her sketches are slanted at times, yet Pari is contented as she finds herself learning and exploring. She is actually doing fine but HER BEST isn’t THE BEST. From family to teachers everyone has the tendency to compare her work with Gauri’s. Pari is struggling for her individuality. She wants to be herself even if she has to settle with a little less. But gradually the perfectionist environment around her snatches her self-esteem. Due to the lack of proper motivation, the high benchmarks and invalidation of her efforts; she loses the will to open up with her family and teachers. She starts withdrawing into herself. A bubbly sociable kid turns into a reticent and aggressive teenager.**

Pari gives up on these activities. She assumes – My efforts will never be enough. Any communication is worthless as it’s mostly one-sided preaching. No one wants to understand me. It would be better I be who I am. Pari starts spending most of the time with her books. Whenever a situation arises, she tries to choose a different path from Gauri because she thinks it will provide her the freedom to explore without any prejudice. She has made an invisible wall around her and feels terrible when someone tries to enter into it. Her family members neither understand nor appreciate her isolation and crudeness in behavior. Pari loves her family but the unintentional invalidation and rejection she faced over the time have messed her up. She knows the only way to engage her mind –study. She performs excellently in her board exams but remains indifferent to all the celebrations and accolade following the results declaration. She has no zeal to enjoy but she is happy that her parents got some reason to be proud of her. She finally gets the love and respect she always yearned for and she doesn’t want to lose it. But the stupid girl doesn’t know - It is harder to maintain the success than to achieve it. She leaves no stone unturned to grab the best opportunities available to her. And why not, she just learned – The Success Speaks. Playfulness without success is considered as mere carelessness.

She does great in life - remains on top throughout her academics and career. For the world, she is one of the successful peoples on this earth but the void she has carried inside her remains as it is even after decades. Though she has put extreme efforts to overcome all the hurdles yet the fear of rejection, the distress of being ashamed, low self-esteem, and the hunger of love have challenged her at every step. Today, she finds herself win socially but lose personally. Her achievements have cost her, her physical and mental health which certainly doesn’t allow her to maintain the so called ‘success’ any further. She accepts her rickety life and decides to fix the broken pieces. After all, any damage is fine till it’s repairable.  

Like every other evening, Pari is sipping her tea in the balcony. She loves to watch the kids of her area playing down there. All are busy in running, cycling, and playing badminton and cricket. Amidst this merriment, a little girl is sitting alone in a corner and playing with a few stones. She appears gloomy. A lady who looks irritated tells her something (from her gesture it seems she is suggesting the girl to play something meaningful like her friends) but the girl totally ignores. The lady leaves angrily. Pari feels anxious. She wants to run to the girl and hug her tightly, kiss her forehead but she feels hesitant. She goes inside and takes out an old small box from her cupboard. She opens the box and gazes at it for some time. She takes the box and goes down to the girl. She extends her right arm- fist closed- towards the girl who acts nonchalant. Pari smiles and signals her to open it. The girl feels elated seeing the pretty marbles shining on Pari’s palm. Pari gifts her that box which has contained her childhood treasure – marbles, sea shells, pearls, old coins. The little girl excitingly checks every item in it. Pari secretly wishes her a happy life ahead and returns home. She can still see from her balcony the little girl busy with that box. Pari smiles; she has gifted the little girl some of her best memories.

* If one child is extraordinarily talented, it doesn’t mean the other child should be divested from its right to be ordinary. Every kid is uniquely talented and to set the similar benchmarks for them is unwise.

** Here the problem doesn’t lie with Gauri who is an extraordinary child or Pari who is an ordinary child or the parents who tried their best to provide the similar opportunities to both the kids but with our society whose prejudice not only pressurizes the children but also parents as no parents want their kids to be left behind. Parents try to provide the best opportunities to their kids, going beyond their capacity at times, and when the kids don’t perform per expectation, the parents’ frustration - even if unsaid- upsets both the parents as well as children. The effective and timely communication between Pari and her parents could have eased the situation here.