Love is Crippling

That morning, Sara gets up little late -in her hostel room- annoyed with the noise outside. She casually makes a bun with her tangled hair and peeps out the window. The girls outside are cheering. The euphoria in the air reminds her, ‘It’s Valentine’s Day'. Sara murmurs - What a stupidity!  Does true love really need this show-off? She heads towards the cafeteria when observes the corridors are filled with chattering girls laden with gifts and roses. Sara ignores the crowd convincing herself ‘I’ve better things to do. I’m here to pursue my dreams, not for these silly diversions. I’ll leave no stone unturned to achieve my goals'. She finishes the coffee and rushes to her room. Sara checks the phone- no messages or calls as usual. She pins herself to the books but those elated faces dance in front of her eyes as if they are teasing her. The harder she tries to concentrate the more she finds herself distracted. Irked Sara puts the earplugs and starts writing but she fails to write more than few lines. She realizes that it’s not the uproar outside but the turmoil within which is making her miserable. She feels angry at herself being weak. Gloomy Sara jumps into the bed and hides in the quilt.

She is battling between her heart and mind. Numerous questions pop up – Why it’s me? Don’t I deserve the love and happiness like others? Why is it so hard to achieve one’s dreams? Is the success at the cost of happiness worthy? Love is beautiful then why does it cripple? Her mind consoles her –Sara! If you break your self-made boundaries you will be no different than the girls celebrating outside. But aren’t you here for a bigger purpose? Have you forgotten the hardships you faced to reach till here? Is your sorrow real or just comparative? A dedicated girl like you shouldn’t feel shattered with this momentary pain. Stay focussed.

She dozes off debating herself when someone knocks the door –Sara! You've got a visitor. With swollen eyes, Sara heads out. It’s Manav. He is here to borrow a book. Irritated Sara wants to shout -Go away! Again you’ve come for help. You all look for me only in need - but her ethics stop her. She brings the book from her room. Manav gets the book and returns her the notes he borrowed previously. She hurls the notes on the table and returns to bed when she notices a glittery envelope peeping out of it. Sara slowly opens the envelope and finds a beautiful card with a bracelet in it. She repeatedly reads the message on the card until the words seem blurred. Tears roll down. Sara smiles with a heavy heart. Her pain is alleviated but the anxiety enhanced. She tucks away the card in her cupboard and heads towards her study table. She reminds herself -Love is crippling. I’ve no place for distractions. Mind wins over the heart again.